So It has been a while since I actually blogged about something, I know I should have but I have been neglecting doing it. So let's get up to speed. I finally got a job and what a stress reliever, not having a job was really bothering me for a while. At first it didn't bother me at all, but that's because I was expecting to collect unemployment but when that didn't happen that's when the stress started to set in big time. I started to worry about everything, most of all I was worried about getting kicked out of this apartment. If we leave I want it to be because of our own free will.
So of course I hate my job and the fact I am away from Serena all day. I have gotten so used to being with her 24/7 it really sucks and I hate it. So my job is construction again, like what I used to do and what I really hate doing but it brings in income and we are in dire need of that. But you better believe as soon as I get an offer for something else I am jumping on it in a heart beat, well as long as I make just as much money or more than I am now. It would be great to win the lotto than I would be able to spend all my time with my wife (yes I know she is not yet, but it's only 3 more weeks) and the kids.
So on to the wedding. I am so fucking excited I still can't believe it is actually going to happen. Everytime I think about it I get so happy. I know I am going to cry while standing up there, and I know if I start crying she is going to start crying. I know I have been "legally" married before but to me it never happend. I didn't have anyone at the wedding, only me her and her ex husbands mom. We never lived together, never planned for it, we just went to the courthouse and did it. I wish it never happend, but that's in the past and no reason to dwell on it now. I am getting married in 3 weeks, oh happy day.
So on to the reason I am up so fricking early. I hate dreams. I am one to hardly ever remember my dreams. But I woke up from a real bad one this morning. It was a little weird but still it was one of those that were so real it sucked. I don't remember a lot of it so what little I do remember won't make sense. I don't remember where I was at but I was driving somewhere and I pulled over on the side of the road for some reason and this girl came over to the window and for some reason told Serena she was pregnant with my child, of course we got into a big argument because she believed her even though it was untrue but she didn't believe me. Well then all I remember is her telling me it's over and the wedding is off and the part that brought me out of my slumber was her taking a knife and yelling at me that getting this tattoo was the dumbest thing I have ever done while she cut off her arm...told you it didn't make sense but it woke me up and I haven't more so can't go back to sleep since. It was a very disturbing dream, and not to sound to mean but the fact she chopped off her arm isn't what is bothering me now, it's that fact that she said the wedding was off. That part of the dream is what sucked the most.
So let's see what else, well the kids. We won't have any kids for another week, I miss them and I can't wait till next weekend. I really want the summer to be over so Fiona and Caitlyn can come home.
I really want to find a new place to live, desperatly. For one the rent in this place is going up again come August the neighbor hood has gone to crap and most importantly I told my wife I would find us a new place. We still want to live in Colonial Beach, well I know I still do and I am sure Serena does also, it's so fricking peacful there. But right now any place other than this apartment would do. I want a house or even a nice size trailer with a yard for the kids. I can only imagine what it's like for them to not be able to play outside, I was always able to play outside when I was younger.
I also want people to know that I have the most awesome woman in the world. She has planned this wedding in the span of what two, three months...I know it has been real stressfull for her, and I am doing everything I can to help, I don't want to unleash Bridezilla on an unexpecting Tokyo (me being Tokyo btw) LOL. I love everything she is doing for the wedding, I know there have been times when it seemed like I wasn't participateing in the process but I had other things on my mind. Which is why I am writing this long ass blog. I vowed to you I would write or talk if stuff started bothering me so seeing how you are sleeping right now (funny how things reverse themselves sometimes) I decided to write to get it out.
Another thing that has been on my mind of late is a little bit of jealousy. No not being jealous of another man, or of people in general but things they are doing. I am talking about your bachlorette party and the things your friends are doing for it. I know we talked about it today and things have changed but I still want to get it out and write it down. I am jealous of your friends right now for being so awesome. Not saying my friends are not awesome but I just feel like nobody cared about me to just plan one. It really hurt my feelings and just made me real jealous of your friends and how much they care about you enough to do things for you.
21 days 10 hrs 47 mins as I write this...I can't wait.
Also been thinking of my real dad. I really hope he comes like he said he is. More so not for me but so my wife and kids can meet him. I really want them to meet him and I think if he dosen't come than they probably never will. He is getting up there in age and it's not like we can afford to fly out to California to visit.
I really wish Serena's mom would come to. I would like to meet her myself and I know it is real important to her that her mom was there. I hate seeing her get dissapointed like that.
Well I do believe I have coverd everything, but I am sure there are some things I forgot about. I am going to attempt to go back to sleep but if not I think I will just try and snuggle with my wife, without waking her up...and I do mean snuggle :-)
Well...I don't want to discourage you about your father. But remember, the role that he has played in your life is quite similar to the role my mother has played in mine. He didn't say he would come...just that he'd try so try not to get your hopes up. I don't want you to feel the way I do right now. BUt then...I should have known better to think she would. Her words are just words and that's all they've ever been. There's rarely anything dependable behind what she says.
ReplyDeleteYou're dream, although disturbing, is funny and can be explain by the last few days of conversations.
Thanks for that dry hump on my back now. Nice. ;-)?
In three weeks you'll be waking up and scurrying around to get to your brothers so you can get everything set up. We'll vow our love to each other, (without crying cause we don't want to mess up my makeup before the pictures), and we'll have a lovely time with out friends and family. ;-)?