Better off without her...

So I deleted my previous post, no reason to have it up anymore since it never mattered anyway. So to give an update you all know that the woman I love left me about three weeks ago. I am not taking back what I said before I know I neglected her by not spending as much time as I should have but if she claimed to love me as much as she did we would of worked it out. But just so everyone knows it was for another man. I was lied to by someone who was constantly disciplining Fiona for lying and who went to jail for lying and claimed to hate lying...what a hypocrite.

Because I trusted her more than I have ever trusted another woman I got burned. She was going to visit friends over in VA which I really didn't care, I was happy because she was finally getting out of the house and doing stuff, which she never did because she would always say she didn't want to. But for some reason every time she went over to visit, this dude would always show up to hang out. I never once said anything because I trusted her guess my feelings were right. Now if it were the me of five years ago, you better believe this dude would be lying in a hospital right now but to tell the truth I feel sorry for him. Now he has to put up with her trying to control how things are done and her Bi-Polar disorder and her drama causing self. 

What gets me is time and time again it would go like this...me "I love you" her "I love you more" me "nope I love you more" her "you just don't realize how much I love you". You get the picture. I was always told I was her rock, her personal Jesus, her life would end if I ever left. Now it's I am so afraid of you, bullshit she just's needs excuses on why she left to make herself feel better. She also claimed that I treated her daughter like crap, that I always picked on her and was mean and I thought about it a lot and even talked to my roomate and he said he never saw anything to that extent. Now the same shit she was saying to me and about me three weeks earlier she is now saying about him...whatever.

I know me and the girls are better off without her in our lives, even though right now Fiona and Tater both miss her and Carmen like crazy but it is slowly changeing. Tater is now refering to her by her name and not Mommy anymore, I have been working on that this past week. The house is clean, the kids are doing great. I had to relocate Fiona to another school, which I really didn't want to do but under the circumstances I had no choice. She is taking it better than I thought, I even made little note cards for her with contact info for her to give to all her friends. She is really excited for some reason to ride the bus.

So also to let everyone know I had even thought of leaving her before but was always afraid to. After she left the first time and took a lot of stuff that was not her's and I had to leave my apartment in the middle of the night just so she could get her stuff, I did not want that to happen again. I spent ten days in jail for a mistake I made, and I learned my lesson never going to happen again. She is shady and I don't trust her, even right now I am afraid she is going to try and do something to get me in trouble. There is a protective order against me for one year and like I told the Judge, which I am sure is why he put it through, I have no desire to ever see her again in my life. But I know her and she is conniving so I am always expecting something from her. 

The only people I feel sorry for right now are the kids. Fiona, Carmen, and Caitlyn for the past three years they were sisters, and best friends. Like me they believed we were going to be a family forever. I honestly belevied we were getting married this year, thank god I didn't. I know how Fiona and Caitlyn are taking it bad, they really miss Carmen. I just hope that she didn't tell her dad any lies about me I really would like to talk to him to see if they can still go over and play with her every now and then. I don't want them to lose touch. I just don't want them to see her ever again, and not to be an ass to hurt her but to protect them from her. Don't get me wrong it's not that she was a horrible mom to them, hell she did one hell of a job for the past three years but if they saw her then it would be hard to get them to stop calling her mommy and looking at her like that. I can't have them calling her that when we are not and never going to be together again. It's just not right. 

I just want to make it clear that yes I do still love her, and care about her, and miss her more than words can say but like they say time heals all and I am healing up real nice. 

Well I have said enough right now so there will be more to come. Feels good to get this all out.